Torah/תורה: October 2004 Archives
I went to the Kotel for the second time since my arrival last night, and sat in my favored place inside the hall on the men's side. I didn't pick up a book, or position a shtender in front of me; instead I simply sat, spine upright, in an armless plastic chair with my toes touching the wall.
I started exploring gematriot, what the Sefer Yetzirah refers to as "permuting" the letters, and what Abulafia would call "warming the mind." The first phrase to come to mind was "poteach et yadecha." פתך את ידך
YADECHA GEMATRIA DAL -- "Your hand" is numerically equivalent to "poor (person)". The simple meaning of the verse is referring to God's Open Hand, satisfying all living will. While God is an untimate perfect Simplicity, in no conceptual way lacking or deficient (like an oni), perhaps God's hand is open and extended, dependent on our awareness to sustain Him. God is in some way lacking when we don't "donate" -- that is voluntarily support -- God-consciousness.
Sometimes final letters are counted with higher values. There's also a concept called "eem hakolel" which counts the entire word as an additional digit. YADECHA, rendered this way, equals 515 and lead me to think of parashat VE'ETCHANAN. This parashah contains Moshe's supplications to grant him entry to the Land. Rashi suggests that, like the numerical value of VE'ETCHANAN, his requests numbered 515, that is Moshe prayed 515 different prayers, all of them declined.
This morning, looking at the batot on my tefillin, I noticed that YAD + ROSH = 14 + 501 = 515!
I suppose my mind is warm.
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I moved all of my belongings into my new home and went to a Rebbe Nachman shiur at the Yeshiva. I also had a long conversation with a Rabbi friend, and I'm already feeling more connected. Thank God.
I had a very un-traditional S"T celebration, with my new dear friend AZ. We ate fresh pita and hummos from Har Zetim (the Mount of Olives) in the Sukkah (without a blessing) and discussed our plans to start a process group ASAP.
We walked towards the German Colony, but most hakafot were over. Caught the end of one, and the Torah reading — but I didn't feel up to the fanatical dancing. Hearing the Torah was good, but it was even better to meditate on the steps outside the shul.
We passed Jan's, a cosy, cross-cultural cafe. As we approached, he told me of a beautiful waitress who worked there. We stopped to chat to the Palestinain owner who was standing outside, then popped our heads inside to check out the classical music and warm interior. At that moment, said waitress was one her way outside with the cordless phone, and we followed he inside. We talked, AZ and she flirted for a few hours, then we continued back towards Nachlaot.
He picked up the guitar, and I picked up a drum, and here are two highlights from our 45 minute improvisation:
Hungry and feeling like bringing deeper simcha to our night (it was around 1am), we went down to Ben Yehuda street and bought chocolate and french fries. On our way back we bought milk and cookies, with the intention of watching Imagine in bed, but the VCR didn't work.
We stirred around the house most of the day and had an incredible hour of meditation. Started reading Gary Zukov's "Heart of the Soul". Just returned from watching King Arthur at the Cinemateque. (I also saw The Tulse Luper Suitcases — The Moab Story earlier in the week; intense.)
All of my meditation instruction and the non-Torah beased reading I've been doing on Spirit re-emphasizes the same message: accept all that arises. It's a tricky practise, but rewarding, even if the result in an unrecognized self. Hello Self!
I'm not sure what to do with myself tonight, I can't stay in this internet cafe all night, but I want to wake up at a normal hour tomorrow. The idea of Shabbat is exhausting. SO WEIRD this new consciousness. I've been told this is what's supposed to be happening in Jerusalem. Breathing in....
